a rant and some coffee

So instead of cleaning like I should be I’m sitting on the computer once again only I have an excuse I’m having some coffee. I figured once I finish my coffee I’ll brush my teeth and than find something to clean. It’s a every day thing for me. I don’t mind it really it keeps my mind off other things that I’d rather not think about.

I keep thinking lately I know I just talked about not thinking but whenever I’m not doing anything. I keep thinking about all my stuff that I have packed n ready to go for when I move. If I left it all behind my brother would probably sell what he could to support his pill popping habit. And that one reason I’d rather not leave my things behind because I know he could sell my TV, Dvd player and my stereo for some stupid pills that make him and my cousin so fucking god damn stupid n giggly. They think everything is funny. I for one think it’s dangerous but do they care? That would be a N O ! ! !

Sometimes I often wonder just how much of my life I’ve actually wasted while living at home 😦 I don’t know if that is a sad fact. I know it’s true. Yup! I’m almost 30 and haven’t done much living just cleaning every day. Although yesterday I did clean out my garden because it was so beautiful plus it needed to be cleaned so the flowers that were coming back could start coming up.

I really just want to start living life with my honey. I know it might not be exciting or great all the time. As long as I’m with her I’ll be fine n things will work out. I hope. Just a lot of fears and doubts I’ve got lately I make excuses  to just have them because I figure it will keep me here longer. However in some ways I’m tired of being here that I cannot wait to get out, be on my own and do things that I want not what everything else wants.

So when’s it my turn…?