a rant and some coffee

So instead of cleaning like I should be I’m sitting on the computer once again only I have an excuse I’m having some coffee. I figured once I finish my coffee I’ll brush my teeth and than find something to clean. It’s a every day thing for me. I don’t mind it really it keeps my mind off other things that I’d rather not think about.

I keep thinking lately I know I just talked about not thinking but whenever I’m not doing anything. I keep thinking about all my stuff that I have packed n ready to go for when I move. If I left it all behind my brother would probably sell what he could to support his pill popping habit. And that one reason I’d rather not leave my things behind because I know he could sell my TV, Dvd player and my stereo for some stupid pills that make him and my cousin so fucking god damn stupid n giggly. They think everything is funny. I for one think it’s dangerous but do they care? That would be a N O ! ! !

Sometimes I often wonder just how much of my life I’ve actually wasted while living at home 😦 I don’t know if that is a sad fact. I know it’s true. Yup! I’m almost 30 and haven’t done much living just cleaning every day. Although yesterday I did clean out my garden because it was so beautiful plus it needed to be cleaned so the flowers that were coming back could start coming up.

I really just want to start living life with my honey. I know it might not be exciting or great all the time. As long as I’m with her I’ll be fine n things will work out. I hope. Just a lot of fears and doubts I’ve got lately I make excuses  to just have them because I figure it will keep me here longer. However in some ways I’m tired of being here that I cannot wait to get out, be on my own and do things that I want not what everything else wants.

So when’s it my turn…?

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I know this blog post isn’t going to be read like every other one that hasn’t been read. So I’ll just rant away because I’m hoping for some comfort in getting this all out. I feel like such a burden to my family and my autumn and friend’s. To my family because my prosthetic foot is badly falling apart I can no longer add anymore duck tape to it because otherwise I can’t wear shoes. And I know getting a new foot will cost a hella lot of money 😦 I don’t have a job at the moment either so that doesn’t help how I’m feeling either. so I’m wallowing tonight I know I shouldn’t I can’t help it.

I always say I wish I’d of died when they were deciding if I should live or die. Because it seems like  right away when I was born I’d been giving a  curse or so I like to call it. I just realized this recently it feels like I was cursed. Thing’s have gone wrong or bad all my life. Maybe it’s just shitty luck too I don’t know. I’m just confused feeling lost, alone I want to just break down curl in a ball and cry. Guess I really don’t feel like ranting anymore. Sorry to of wasted ur time while u read this. Good Night.

Hello!!

Well I figured it was about time that I updated about the apartment news. A lot has happened over the last few months. Well my Autty has been holding down the fort for me since  Oct 25th, 2012. Slowly but surely she and I (via email pics) are making it a home. It’s taking a little longer because my honey is working 2 job’s. Well one now sort of kind of because her first job is playing games with her 😦 I’ll save that for another day to talk about. Anyways recently  we just got our lease for another 6 months renewed. And Cautty our kitty just got spade the surgery went very well!! She looks really funny shaved though on her tummy! We’re glad that is done and over with so we wont have to worry about her getting knocked up.

We’re are getting a  entertainment center a used one for from our neighbor whose friends are giving it away. Saving up for one we want that is really awesome!! We love it it’s going to take some time getting it though. I’ll post pic’s up as a write this post. Oh! and we did get a table and chairs a few months ago very nice set. When I find the pic for it I’ll post it. The next thing we have to do is figure out our road trip plans as to when to come get me then things will finally be on the way to good. Anyways I’m going to post these pics and turn in its late and I’m tired. Good Night All!!! 

 

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