Fingers Crossed…

So.. I just found out that the apartment Autumn and I are waiting for, we should know something by the end of this week hopefully. Please everyone keep ur finger’s crossed for us that we will “finally” have our apartment. We’re really really looking forward to this because we’ve been waiting forever to have a  place to call home.

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Cries For Help

6/21/05

1:56 Am

I mumble…

Can’t stop thinking,

Lower I’m sinking,

Farther I’m falling,

Slowly mi soul is dying,

I’m repeatedly crying.

She has…

Another bad night,

Thoughts racing through,

Urges pull

Wants to cut,

knows she can’t.

I’m thinking…

Tired of tears,

Want happiness,

Need love,

Feels loneliness.

She’s writing…

Not making sense,

Not that it matters,

Writing mi feelings,

Or mi heart might shatter.

I wish…

Want to be held,

Need strong arms,

I want to cry all night,

Takes away mi scars.

She says…

Save me from death,

Protect me from pain,

Give me strength,

Love me in the rain.

I whisper…

Let me scream out loud,

I want everyone to hear it,

Break me of these chains,

Please someone let me free.

© Care Strom

This world doesn’t make sense anymore

…Takes deep breathe…

I’m so confused about things in this life..

Two people never intend to really fall in love right away. Any two people (gay, lesbian, straight or bi) You can’t blame us for finding love even when to you it isn’t the right kind of love. We didn’t do this to hurt any of you or cause you to be angry at us because we did something you don’t approve of. If you could only see that we’re really happy, we are who were supposed to be with for the rest of our lives. Why don’t they just look past all that and be happy for us?

My bestie recently came out of the closet about her realionship with a girl. And also my bestie is married. yes i said marred.  I gotta admnit I’ve very very proud of her. She did the right thing by telling them, even if it was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. I’m happy for her, accept her and love her no matter who she is with. And the  very thought of telling my parents that I’m dating a girl scares the little hell outta me.

I’m pretty sure I know what would happen if I opened up about it. I’d rather not go into detail.  It scares me that they would probably try to make me stop seening her. Which I wouldn’t!! ( Hence thats why I’m planning to move out.) I know writing them a letter and leaving it for them isn’t the best way to tell them i’m moving. I just think its the best I can do.  I don’t think I should be judged for it.

 

…Sighs…

I love her and I know to them that’s the wrong thing to do. But u know what?? It’s MY LIFE!!! fuck them and their judgements and hard words (that I’ll eventually have to listen to some day soon.) But I love her and I feel so right with her so whole. More whole then I have in my entire life. My life’s not that bad. I mean yes my past was and I still deal with that EVERY DAMNED DAY!! I make it through my days and get past it all one day at a time. Autumn makes things so much better for me. There isn’t another one like her in this world. So I gotta great catch 😉

Confused about this world and life. It was mega easier as a child. You didn’t have a care in the world. I know I always said I wanted to grow up, now I wish I  could take that back and do it all over. This world is so crazy and insane now days. What happened?? I feel like everything’s just gonna come tumbling down and there won’t be a damn thing anyone can do. I watch old movies like ( i love lucy and little house) I sometimes wish we could go back just a litle bit to those days kinda rolled all into one. Ik that sounds silly and doesn’t make any sence. Nobody has to even understand what I’m sayin I’m just rambling venting.

Autumn loves me sooooo much i dont know what id do without her and she says she doesnt know what she would do without me. We cant wait to be in each other’s arms and how once we are together we are gonna be glued to each other. We cant wait to be together cuz we will finally be together  together

Made up, Work troubles, January come soon!!!

…. So after almost ending things with Auumn on Halloween over a stupid arguement. We talked things over (via txt) because that’s what we do first before we deicde what to do afterwards. Things are good now we’re back to the way things were. And I’ll admit the make up sex was pretty damn nice hehe ;).

Ssshhhh… don’t tell Autumn I said that.

My hunny was really upset lastnight so I  tod her to tell me what was wrong.  Frist they  changed her hours on her again so she is working 7:30 till 1 or 4. She isn’t happy about that.  She’s having a little trouble at work though the kids are treating the teachers like shit!!! Pushing them, hitting them shoving them, running into them and almost pushing her to the ground and knocking her into things. That I don’t like one bit. I told Autumn that, that isn’t right that she should say something to these ppl and she told me all they care about is money!! I’m just shocked and so angery with how they are treating them and her. She shouldn’t have to take that kinda abuse. I just don’t know what to do with that or what to tell her anymore.

Also her friend Carla (aka drama carla) is being kinda a pain in the ass. Treating her like crap too!! Ugh!! We were kinda right in the starting of doing something (blushes red) and Carla wouldn’t stop txting her and neither of us was very happy becuz well we wanted each other and Carla wanted to be a pain at the moment. But Autty got rid of her so we finally got to be with each other. I wish January would come fast ya know? Gosh I just wanna be already to lay in her arms in our bed, to watch her sleep hear her laugh!! Ik times are tough I really believe her and I deserve this though we’ve waited so long for the right person to come along. Now that we’re a couple we should get to have our turn. All of our other friends have someone they are with, happy and kids. So we should get that too!! Damn it!!

My halloween was alright. Nothing exciting just sat at home watching movies which was good with me. Yup Yup. Not much of  a dress up kinda girl. But if i see something I like i’ll probably put it on. Next year I might just have to go into a store and try on costums just for the plan hell of it. Could be fun!! Maybe I’ll bring Autty with me 🙂 😉 Twice the fun then.  Idk what I’m gonna do today I know I should get outside and get the blow up turkey up I mean how hard can it be right?  This weekend is deer hunting. No, I’m not going I haven’t gone in year’s. I do know that I’m gonna move alot of my boxed stuff outta my room and into the grain bin because they are taking up too much room and I need to get them out so I can get ready for the night that I leave.

Thats another subjet I’m still dealing with. I’d just rather not get into it now becuz I’d better go I gotta give our dog zoe  a bath. Ughh dad keeps letting her in the damn house i told him to leave her OUT!!!

Hell

*Wrote this for my friend Stephanie.*

9-24-10

Another bruise to hide,

Another painful blow,

Said she loved me she lied,                     

I can’t leave her love her so.                    

Glasses hide my swollen eye,                    

I cry when she’s not   here,                      

  If friends ask i say its i sty,

I shed a single drop of fear.            

She apologizes same as b4,                    

  Has a reason to hate,

And knocks me around,                          

Dont believe her anymore,                     

  In a mind numbing stage,   cannot speak a word,

Lay in a ball blood on her floor.                

Cant walk out the door,                           

My heart pounds in a frantic state,           

Will she beat me into the ground?            

With her wild red rage,                           

Dont know why her anger stirred,            

Or what she has in store.                        

Pretend everything’s okay,                        

Feeling ashamed, broken, regret,             

 Gave up on god i use to pray,                   

Till morning im her puppet.

♥I Live to Love You ♥

More than words can say,

I live to love you more each day,

You have giving me a reason to wake up each day,

Every night I say a little prayer,

Because forever I know you’ll care.

 

Holding your hand,

Unable to let go,

How come time seems to slow?

Is it because you’re brown eyes,

Sweep me off my weak feet?

Placing a kiss on each dimple,

So sweet,

Pulls you close you’re body strong,

I can’t wait for the moment when,

Were making love,

Opening up our bodies, heart’s and soul’s

God how I love this man he is mi angel.

I want to grow old with you,

Sit next to you in the rocking chair,

Count my blessings with my heart,

See the sunrise paint the sky,

I live to love you more each day.